Lys Trahern

lystrahern @ 2008-04-17T21:52:00

2008-04-17T21:56:15Z

Nicknames I have used for Susan:

Susie
Suzie Q
Soosie Goosie
Sushi
Sushi Roll
Butterball
Butterbean
Butterbutt
Babycakes
Stinkybutt
Poopface
Squidlet

It may not sound like it, but I do love this kid. Unbelievable amounts. Even if she's exhausting and my belly looks like a meat accordion and I'm tired all the time and did I mention I'm tired? Yeah.

lystrahern @ 2008-03-20T18:01:00

2008-03-20T22:09:42Z

I feel like I've lost my mind. I used to be a useful member of society and now my world has narrowed down to Susie and my boobs. And that's about it. I still feel sore and tired. I don't know what I'm going to do when Aidan goes back to work. I can't bear to just leave her in her crib and do stuff while she's sleeping - what if she wakes up and I'm not there? It's silly, but still.

And Mom and Dad are coming down for Easter tomorrow, and they're staying with Joe but I know they'll be over here to meet the new grandchild, and our apartment is a mess and I guess we're supposed to clean but when is that going to happen? What? I don't even know.

lystrahern @ 2008-03-13T12:13:00

2008-03-13T16:19:17Z

I hurt. Everything hurts. I have stitches Down There and oh my god that might be the worst thing ever.

But. I have a tiny beautiful baby in my arms and she SMILES at me and I made this and I'm her mother.

A mother.

I don't even have words for this.

lystrahern @ 2008-03-11T12:28:00

2008-03-11T18:05:00Z

*pacing slowly around the living room, stopping every so often to grab the back of one of the couches for support as a contraction hits*

I guess I should be glad that it's actually starting... but jesus!

lystrahern @ 2008-02-29T19:02:00

2008-03-01T00:14:17Z

Last day of work today. It's hard to believe I'm going to be gone for three months. I'm sort of glad, though - it's getting to the point where every single movement is uncomfortable, and sitting in that damned desk chair was killing me. But I wanted to save as much time as I could for being home with the kid.

And that... well, my due date's the 10th, but everybody's been telling me that the first kid can be up to two weeks late. I might do my own damn c-section if it gets that far, because another three weeks of this? Oh my god, no. I feel ridiculous enough already. And I'm so tired of being pregnant that I'm not even scared of labor anymore, I just want it over with. But then, I live in the era of the epidural-on-demand, so whatever.

For now I'm not going to worry about it. Everything's fine, it's Friday night, I'm going to put my feet up and watch something girly and nobody's going to stop me. Pride and Prejudice, I think. Mm, Colin Firth with sideburns...

lystrahern @ 2008-02-17T21:16:00

2008-02-18T02:21:19Z

I'm such a traitor to the sisterhood, I love Valentine's. Although I admit, I mostly love that Aidan smells amazing when he uses the fancy stuff I got him from Lush for the holiday. >:D And he promised to take me out for sushi and beer when I'm allowed to have it. Which is maybe the best present I could have gotten right now. (In addition to the hideous pink teddy bear, which he got solely to make me laugh.)

Hey kid, hurry up! Mama's got raw fish to eat!

lystrahern @ 2008-02-11T22:30:00

2008-02-12T03:51:05Z

Things were good today. Well, not the absolutely fucking freezing temperature, but it was sunny and it was one of the days that I actually felt pretty good about being pregnant. Nothing made me sick, I didn't feel totally worn out, and feeling the kid flipping and kicking around just made me... well, happy. And amazed that I'm doing this. I know it's the most boring and natural thing around, propagation of the species... but I'm making a little person inside me. I can't wait to meet them.

Of course, it would help if we had a name for the kid. Which we still don't. I mean, there's one name, but we haven't settled on a boy's name and we have no middle name for a girl. Oh well.

I think I should also mention that Aidan made some really incredibly delicious pumpkin ravioli for dinner, and that definitely topped off a good day. I'm glad he's indulging my need to consume carbs at every single meal as well as my weird cravings.

It's supposed to be absolutely fucking freezing again tomorrow, though. When my entire face feels like it's going to fall off in between the building and the subway? Too cold. Is spring soon?

lystrahern @ 2008-02-03T23:39:00

2008-02-04T04:44:40Z

What's worse than being a Patriots fan at the moment?

Being a Patriots fan in the middle of Manhattan. Seriously, I almost started to cry in the cab.

At least I had Martine's brother to commiserate with. Nice guy. But I'm still kind of disappointed, and the food I ate is making me feel really ill. Maybe I'll take tomorrow as a sick day. I don't want to use them up with impending maternity leave, but I really don't want to go in. And I do feel sick, so it's not like it would be wasted.

For now, though, I'm going to try and sleep. "Try" being the operative word, the people downstairs are being really loud and I don't have the energy to go bitch them out.

lystrahern @ 2008-01-30T15:06:00

2008-01-30T20:15:27Z

Is anybody having a Super Bowl party? I don't want to watch the game by myself in an empty apartment, that's no fun. So it looks like my options are:

* take the train up to Boston and watch at home with my family. Pros: getting to see everyone, which is always great. Cons: traveling, making sure Daffyd doesn't throw anything at the screen, having Mom ask me eight million questions abotut the pregnancy.

* throw a party in our apartment. Pros: friends! Company! Cons: oh god the very thought of cleaning up before and after and preparing all the food is exhausting. Also everyone would have to bring their own booze, because going into a liquor store would probably lead to me crying on the floor while cradling a bottle of vodka.

Actually, that doesn't sound too too bad, the place isn't that gross. And there's always takeout.

Revised question: if nobody else is throwing a party or wants to get away from really overenthusiastic partners, would people want to come over? I promise not to cheer too much when the Pats win. You'll still have to bring your own booze, though, and any food donations would be gratefully accepted.

(Look, I managed a whole entry without bitching about being in freezing New York while Aidan is in warm Arizona. Go me!)

lystrahern @ 2008-01-23T16:19:00

2008-01-23T21:24:10Z

It's not fair.

I'm too pregnant to fly anymore, and even if I weren't I've got swollen ankles which also makes flying forbidden, so I can't take advantage of the best perk of being married to a sports editor and see the damn Super Bowl when my hometown team is playing and possibly going to make history.

SO UNFAIR.

I can't even drink a beer or eat stuffed jalapenos or buffalo wings at a Super Bowl party, because of the no-alcohol and the heartburn.

Being pregnant sucks. I am going to be so glad when this is over.

lystrahern @ 2008-01-17T19:36:00

2008-01-17T21:41:14Z

Eliot said that the naming of cats is a difficult matter.

Naming of babies? Way harder. Way, way harder.

*flipping through a baby name book Amanda gave her*

I still don't see what's so bad about Beatrice.

lystrahern @ 2008-01-11T17:33:00

2008-01-11T22:35:28Z

I am sick and tired of hearing about the hockey.

I hate the weather.

I really hate this new trend where I keep getting heartburn, because apparently the baby is kicking me in the stomach or something.

I hate my feet for getting fat, and because I can't wear my super-cute suede kitten-heel boots when I'm lugging around an extra person.

More than anything, I hate that I can't have a really big glass of red wine when I get home, because I desperately need one.

This kid better be cute, or I'm going to leave him out on the doorstep. (Not that I know it's a him, I've just got a feeling.)

lystrahern @ 2007-10-31T09:40:00

2007-10-31T08:44:05Z

I am going to be so glad when Halloween's over. And when people stop talking about the party.

Because you know what's less fun than being fat and gross and unable to drink at a party?

Being fat, gross, sober, and watching your husband drool over some other woman all night. And of course I didn't say anything because I know I can be just as bad, but... it was still not fun. At all.

Isn't the second trimester supposed to be the good part? When does that start happening?

lystrahern @ 2007-10-13T12:37:00

2007-10-13T17:30:42Z

Gah. Wish I could stop feeling so sleepy all the time. I know it's not caffeine withdrawal anymore, I just... feel tired. I was hoping that would get better, but no. I think I was in bed by ten last night, and I don't remember waking up whenever Aidan got in from the post-hockey beers. And now I'm ready to take a nap. I guess I could, though I was going to try and do stuff today. Like - ugh - clothes shopping. It seems like everything's hideously overpriced, and most of it ugly to boot.

And I have no idea what I'm going to do for Adam's party, either. I don't want to go not-in-costume, but I don't want to look grotesque either. Need to think about this, and possibly bribe Chris with cookies.

...cookies sound good, actually. Maybe I'll drag myself into the kitchen for some baking.

lystrahern @ 2007-10-05T14:56:00

2007-10-05T19:02:09Z

*washing out her mug in the break room's sink*

Experimenting with decaf was a bad, bad idea.

I miss coffee SO MUCH. I can have maybe one cup a day, but I used to drink it all day long and I miss it.

Also, I think I have to buy new pants. Life is so unfair.

lystrahern @ 2007-09-06T16:24:00

2007-09-06T21:13:02Z

It sounds really bad when I say I've spent a lot of my honeymoon in bed, doesn't it?

Not like that, though! I just was so exhausted from all the run-up to the wedding, and the huge emotional release of the wedding itself, and then adding being pregnant on top of that... I think I've been sleeping about twelve hours every night since we got here. Not that we haven't been. Um. Never mind.

San Francisco's really nice, though. The weather's been perfect, and we've been puzzling over the bus and trolley system and wandering around, and there are so many good restaurants that I'm possibly going to explode. (Am really glad that the nausea's passed. And that having a baby gives me an excuse to eat like a pig. I want to pack up the Slanted Door and Tartine Bakery and bring them home with us, and Aidan might refuse to leave now that he's discovered the Blue Bottle Coffee Co.)

Also, I'm married. I don't quite believe it yet. But apparently I am. I've got this shiny new ring that says so. :D

lystrahern @ 2007-09-01T01:06:00

2007-09-01T06:13:44Z

Can't sleep.

Really can't sleep.

The rehearsal went off without a hitch, at least, and Jeff practically twisted his little head off with staring at everything and everyone. And then instead of a proper rehearsal dinner we just ordered two of everything off the menu from the Golden Wok and called it a night. And somehow managed to fit the entire wedding party, the rest of Aidan's family, my family, Nain, and possibly a few other random people into my parents' house. It was fun. Aidan had enough beer that he really didn't want to leave, which was sweet and I miss him a lot. I'm used to having him next to me.

Instead our house is packed, I'm about the only person sleeping where I'm meant to, and surrounded by my high school theater posters and a few beloved old dolls and toys I kept and the shelves full of books loved to death, and about to try and sleep in the bed I've had since I was fourteen... and tomorrow I'll be married.

Now I really can't sleep.

lystrahern @ 2007-08-29T15:59:00

2007-08-29T20:02:56Z

I have a dress! It's beautiful. And now I owe Chris my first-born son, or my soul, or something. He's even coming up early on Saturday in case anything last-minute has to be done.

We're heading up home tomorrow. I've passed beyond nervousness at this point into a sort of eerie calm. It's like I hit a wall and just don't have the capacity to worry about anything anymore.

Saturday!

lystrahern @ 2007-08-22T12:11:00

2007-08-22T16:18:47Z

Met with Chris after work last night, and I'm still reeling.

He's going to make me another dress.

A week and a half, and he's going to make me another dress.

"They only get a day on Project Runway," he told me. Always a kidder.

And, um. He knows. At first he was all "you got FAT, what are you DOING, why can't you just starve yourself for a week," and when I started to say I couldn't and sort of burst into tears, he figured it out. And said he'll do something to make me look fabulous even if I start showing. It wasn't quite how I planned to announce it, but so it goes.

I can't quite believe this is happening. But he said he'd do it and he'd make me look fabulous, even if it meant he doesn't sleep till after the wedding.

lystrahern @ 2007-08-18T12:23:00

2007-08-18T16:33:43Z

TWO WEEKS

oh my god

ONLY TWO WEEKS

So much to do. I have lists upon lists upon lists, and I can't even keep track of where they are, let alone what needs to get done. We have to chase down the people who haven't RSVPed that we want to be there - most people have, but some of my friends from college haven't replied or even talked to me, so I need to see if they're coming or just didn't bother to send back the card. I'm really glad that Dad's taking care of everybody flying in from overseas. We still haven't picked a song for a first dance, if we're even having one. There's a million things to do.

Chief among them, and one I REALLY don't want to have to do, is seeing Chris. There is no way this dress is going to fit. If nothing else, my breasts are going to come spilling out the top. I'm actually sort of angry about it. I mean this is probably the biggest chest I've ever had, and the dress was meant to take advantage of the fact that I'm relatively flat-chested. Usually am, anyway. Treacherous body. And it means more work for Chris, or it means that I have to find something to wear at the absolute last possible minute. I don't really want to get married in a t-shirt. This is just not good at all.

I should try to calm down. Think positive. I have Aidan's ring. All of the wedding party is set. The florists are confirmed. Bron's lending me the earrings she wore at her wedding. The nausea's finally fading, which, thank God for that.

...oh, crap, how the hell do I have a bachelorette party and not drink? Maybe we can change the plans.

Still haven't told anyone. Waiting till... I don't know. I'll be at the end of my first trimester for the wedding, which is when miscarriage becomes much less of a possibility, so... sometime after that?

lystrahern @ 2007-08-06T11:16:00

2007-08-06T15:23:56Z

Well, class was a giant waste of time, but it's done and we can get married in the church now, which is nice. (Although I felt like a giant hypocrite and was worried that I was going to burst into flames, or something. Maybe that'll happen at the wedding. Wouldn't that be fun for the guests?)

And we celebrated Rosie's birthday a bit early while we were up there - she's eleven. ELEVEN. I feel old. And terrified and a little excited too. I hope our kid's as awesome as Rosie and Stephen. I hope I can do a decent job of raising it.

I think Mom and Bron suspected something, though. Which, fair enough, I'm tired and couldn't eat and wouldn't have a beer and none of my clothes fit the right way. They're smart women, and I'm pretty sure they had most of the same symptoms when they were pregnant. Neither of them asked, though. Don't know when I'll tell them.

And finally: none of my bras fit right, some of my shirts are getting too tight across the chest... I sincerely hope I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure I am not going to fit in my wedding dress by the time I need to wear it. NOT GOOD.

- Need to call Chris
- Will, sorry I was busy last weekend - secret mission this weekend? I don't want to leave it later than that
- LESS THAN A MONTH oh crap

lystrahern @ 2007-07-28T11:41:00

2007-07-28T15:45:52Z

I may have just woken up.

I don't feel guilty, though; so far one of the biggest "new things" about... this... is feeling completely exhausted all the time. To the point that I want to put my head down on the desk at work and nap.

And I can't drink coffee, because even if the doctor hadn't limited my intake? The smell makes me queasy. Along with cooking onions, fish, and pretty much everything else with a discernable scent.

Tea, then.

lystrahern @ 2007-07-11T18:54:00

2007-07-12T06:05:07Z

I still don't know quite what to think. I'm not really talking about it to anybody, because I... don't really believe it, maybe? Not as freaked out anymore, at least, which I know Aidan's relieved about. And I've got a doctor's appointment for next week that ought to make my brain settle down.

For the moment I sort of feel like my insides have turned to glass, and I'm being very very careful not to do anything that might fracture something. I don't know. It's all too weird. Good, I guess. I just... I still need to get used to it.

lystrahern @ 2007-07-03T18:18:00

2007-07-03T16:21:33Z

I cannot believe I spent that much money on something I am going to pee on.

lystrahern @ 2007-07-01T10:26:00

2007-07-01T14:31:06Z

Aidan keeps asking if I'm okay, and of course I say I am.

~~almost a week and nothing, this is weird, and wrong~~

He's picked up that I'm not, because he's not stupid. And he got me a pint of my favorite ice cream when he went grocery shopping, and this morning he got bagels before I was even up.

I should talk with him.

~~but I don't want to talk about it, talking makes it real, talking means it's not just me worrying over nothing~~